One Sided Love

A girl receives a diary of a guy who loves her from someone……………….

26 of May 2008
…. This year….. College has a lot of new comers. As I processing to my new study environment, my new course filled by a lot familiar faces as well as those new faces. I’m taking a mixture of technical and also business environment type of courses, and I never knew that I would really stuck into this relation which refer as one-sided by others.

27 of May 2008
I am the guy who easily likes someone, so as I thought, like is not really mean love, so I didn’t really consider how to chase a girl or really think about what is the feeling of loving someone so blindly. The first day of my study…… is really blur to me, since I didn’t really have my mood setting to study. I met her on the first day, which I didn’t really pay attention to her. As I just thought, she just a normal girl to me. But fates twist this fact upside down, and slowly, this girl really takes important roles in my heart without giving me a notice.

28 of May 2008
Our first encounter is when we having a course discussion of picking a course rep. At that moment, my world starts fill me up with many colors. In my first impression of her, will be a cheerful girl, having a very cute personality. I really can’t stop myself of teasing her very much, since every times she gives me some laughable “feed back”. In my view, she is very colorful, whereby she is too colorful to me, a guy that is very grey in his mind.

1 of June 2008
She really does not force people for following her way of doing. I also very impress in her way of doing things. In other word, she is very responsible. But somehow she keeps getting more burdens on her shoulder. The most forceful encounter between us will be I putting her into our courses treasurer position. Even she refuse at the first place, however I and her friends manage to put her in it. But the result turns out fine.

10 of June 2008
It been a while that we in the same tutorial class. I have tried to participate in part of her life, but it turns that it too much for me. She is really a smart girl, a good chef also and she also very “social able” with others. But the funniest part I found about her is, she really can eat a lot of snack but won’t get fat. Talking to her make me feel look like an idiot. Since I keep do something funny like telling cold joke in the middle of a conversation. But at this moment, I really do want to say to her, “I like you”.

17 of June 2008
This just a beginning of the semester, as a senior student of this college, I been a navigator of college for them. I have shown them all places that we might go for our course study, practical as well as our tutorial. I do feel nice when I able to help her in something, even it is something that is very small. Every times that you call me for help, you will be my top priority of all my tasks. “I’m always available when you need me.”
23 of June 2008
Even I just able to be with her in college, but I really try to make it that I can be with her anytime. Just that she no need my protection, as she can really take good care of herself which make me feel pleased about her safety. She stays in a rented hostel with her friends. She also has her own car, so transport to college is not an issue for her.
“You have every thing that you needed, do you still need me?”

14 of July 2008
Today I go buy present with other for the upcoming birthday for 3 person. When I walk into living cabin, I’m full of idea of getting those 3 their present. The moment I picking the present, I start to think about you. The present I choose slowly influence by your image. Suddenly I spaced out just because I keep thinking about you.
“At this moment, what are you doing?”

19 of July 2008
today is the day that we organize the birthday party for them in red box plus in pavilion. You say you didn’t expect me like to sing. I like to sing because you are there. I always want to train myself to sing well in love song. So can confess to you in a romantic way but it is a dream that cannot come true. You sing very well, but I can’t sing with you.
“Your voice is an angel voice from the heaven to give me hope and courage to live on”

15 of August 2008
A month before our final exam, you looks very stress and work very hard in it. I feel heart pain when I see you so stress. But I can’t help you in your study, because I didn’t study for my final exam. Whenever you ask me about the exam, I keep telling you the truth but you just don’t believe in me.
“I giving you the truth, but you choose not to believe me, this hurts me a lot”

9 of September 2008
today is my birthday. College gives me a very big present… which is 2 final exam English papers. When she wish me happy birthday, I really feel that I am the luckiest guy in the world even she didn’t prepare me any gift. This is the first time I be grateful that I able to live for so long. Among all people’s birthday wish, I still remember very clearly the tone, the way and also her face expression when wishing me “happy birthday”. However I didn’t give her my respond in a good way…. I just like keep hiding from her, as like she is too bright too shining for me.
“Do you know that you really are the one I really care?”

10 of October 2008
it been a month since I last seen you in college. Now you look like a bit strange to me, and I finally know the reason behind it. You have found yourself a bf to love. When I found out this fact, I feel sad but in other ways, I truthfully wish you happy with your bf.
“No matter you have bf or not, I will always wanted you to be the happiest woman in this world”


24 of October 2008
I successfully bid a huge teddy bear just for RM85. But out of my mind, I straight think I get it just for her birthday on next week, 1st of November. I do not have enough courage to carry that bear to her by my own, so I ask my ex course mate to help me. But he set me up and gives a big surprise for her and also for me. All of my classmate say that the bear is look almost like me. Got one of the guy says that I giving that bear to her because I want to give myself to her as present. I do not know why I give her, but I know I must give her the present.
“I cannot always be with you, but I hope the bear I give you will replace me to stay with you”

1 of November 2008
today is the exact day of her birthday. I whole day have no mood to study my workshop because I feel wanted to go Genting with her and her friends. But however I didn’t go because I do not have enough courage to face her and her bf. I really scare that I cannot control myself. So I didn’t go to Genting in the end.
“Please forgive my cowardliness because I just can’t face you normally”

3 of November 2008
Today, her friend told me that because of me, she cried at night. So I feel guilty and go buy gift for her. I go get a pretty box and a set of 600 papers that used to fold paper swam. It is a difficult for me since the paper is small sized paper. So I rush and rush to complete the 100 paper swam. I even sleep very late for it. Even I caught a cold due to the heavy rain today.
“May those swam I make for you will bring you happiness”

4 of November 2008
after my long hard work of preparing her gift for begging her forgiveness. I only know that is just a prank from her friend. However I still give her the gift. Because the gift I give her is really want her to be happy. No matter she got bf or not.
“What I done is just hope you can be more happy than usual.”


In the end of the diary, it wrote
“I do not know when I started to love you, but I really love you. I LOVE YOU.”

The girl can’t stop her tears dropping out from her eyes.